#8.3

I would, trust me. Big time!!!

I guess number whatever you can think of in terms of experiences or relevance. It was still nice and actually fun.

As usual I just don't want to over think, and I'm too tired to do it anyway!

Conclusion / "Do you have feelings?"

I said something that I would not have believed some time ago. I do really think this way. I think I was lucky enough to feel the way that I did for at least a couple of times. Love visited me and I was extremely lucky for that. Whatever comes after that, will be just fine.

3.4

Is it? I think it was 3.4. Do I have feelings? Do I need them? Do we all really need to feel something? Why? 

Well, in any case it was a compliment, trust me. I've waiting this long just to have all under strict control, and it seems like I've managed! I'm glad you asked that and it made my day to respond laughing. 

Now, you're "picky"... Good, I'm too! So watch out, you might find it pretty soon. 

Chasing ghosts

And suddenly you realise you've been chasing ghosts all this time. Trying to find again that smile, that shape, that look, those feelings. You realise this is stupid as well and that there's no way you're going to find that again. And it's hard to understand it, but also necessary. 

#9. Fine night, laughing a lot and feeling comfortable in general. Again, I don't think there's a match, but it was nice time nevertheless. The bad side was to realise this thing... Maybe it was because we were "in touch" lately and it leaves a mark somewhere in the back of my head.

Oh well, whatever. Nevermind. 

Dejar de creer, creer menos & #8

No sé exactamente en qué punto estoy, pero creer no es una de las cosas que más hago últimamente. Ayer escuché esto de dejar de creer, creer menos y pensé "exacto, eso es!". Peter me dijo el otro día que yo la lo he probado todo y no me pueden tomar el pelo tan fácilmente. Qué dedo me chupo, como decimos en México. Esto es lo que pasa y las razones no las sé todas. Supongo que es la experiencia acumulada.

#8: la comodidad de lo conocido, solamente eso. Un buen candidato para amigo.

#truestory

Amazing summer days and I feel fully charged #truestory

#7? I think so. Happened last night. I had fun even being so tired. I guess you were trying your luck and had high hopes. Well, I'm not that easy to impress any longer and under different circumstances, you wouldn't have a chance. Still, I have to recognise that it has been a long time since I had a stimulating conversation or no... Wait: a conversation with someone with proper formation and that challenged me.

I'm happy to realise that many obsessions are gone now and that with every encounter, I'm more relaxed and I feel so self confident. I guess it's something that comes with age. 

I love how I can really don't give a thing anymore. I love that the pressure is gone by now and I love being this free.

After all this years, after all the silly dreams and the stupid expectations, I'm the owner and the cause of every event o my life. I've finally understood that I'm the producer of this movie: my own life.

#6

Number 6. Funny even with the language challenges. I don't think it can go any further and I don't necessarily see myself into it, but it was funny nevertheless.

Crystal clear

We first open a window so people can have a look. We then open the door and show all that we are, all that we have. We are crystal clear to them. For a very few: the "lucky" ones.

When opening that door, we show how vulnerable we are, the many things that we are not proud of. We show the complexity of our being. We cry and yell. We laugh and we have fun. Just like anyone else, sure, but not quite like that. A privileged view of oneself and the many demons inside is given to very few people. They see how fragile and how bright our life can be. This, a view with ups and downs (probably more downs tough), is what we give out when in a relationship. Different levels of it, but that's what we give.

Unfortunately this privileged view that we once (or twice) gave, becomes one of the most precious treasures when after some time we realize that it is time to keep it for ourselves. A wide access and view to what we really are is not longer needed after a couple of experiences (mostly bad ones). It becomes enough with the superficial touch and the little conversation and the wide open eyes when something completely irrelevant is being said.

So, let's stay in the surface, I don't think I could survive drowning down again.