Amores chiquitos, inútiles.

Hoy estaba pensando en las promesas de amor eterno. Pensando que por increíbles o grandiosas que suenan esas promesas, al final son apenas amores chiquitos e inútiles. Amores que no alcanzan ya para el día a día, amores vencidos (y que se dieron por vencer), amores perezosos que poco pueden aportar.

Hablé de amor eterno hace poco y sabía (y sé) que nada iba a cambiar. Declarar un amor eterno es probablemente la manera más espectacular de darse por vencido. Es también para mi gusto, una forma muy simple de romper un vinculo esperando que la persona de enfrente se quede pendiente de nosotros por el simple hecho de haberle ofrecido una promesa como esa.

Qué utilidad hay en el amor eterno que se declara cuando uno se marcha de una relación? Qué puede aportar cuando uno decide tirar la toalla y darse por vencido? Por qué queremos llenar con una promesa tan vacía el silencio de una relación agotada?

Alguien me dijo una vez que prometer amor eterno para luego marcharse, no es amor. Debe ser apenas la forma en la que calmamos nuestra mente y la culpa por no haber sido capaces de amar más, de amar mejor.

"Te voy a amar por siempre, hasta que me muera". Bueno, que me avisen si al final de sus días podré por lo menos heredar una colección de mp3 como prueba última del amor eterno e inútil de una de las promesas más vacías del mundo.

Delivering

If you ask me what I have done, I would say that I delivered something that wasn't meant to stay with me. I delivered it to you because it was yours and now it feels like I'm free again.

I said it and ironically it feels like those words are not longer a link between us, but a closing remark, a final dot in what used to be our story.

I said it and I wasn't expecting things to change. I didn't worry about you not being able to say something back: I delivered what I was holding for the last year and a half and now I'm free, no matter what.

Running around

Going from one plane to the other. From one city to other. Enjoying the craziness of my life and knowing at the same time that I don't necessarily have a place to call home.

I spent some 4 weeks running around between work and holidays and I wonder where I really belong, where are my dreams and hopes and I'm afraid of not having the answer... And sometimes it scares me.

I wish I was only 26 and be allowed to play around, to run around without feeling like I should do this, plan that and think in that other way.

Dancing around, traveling around, making pictures, laughing about simple things, enjoying nice weather and mainly not having to worry about the many things that are wrong in Brussels, in Mexico, in NYC, in Munich (according to myself) in every corner where my mind has been and sometimes it still is.

Welcome back to Brussels... Here we go again!

Full of you

It is amazing how this place, my own country and my own city seems to be full of you. Full of the things we did together, the places, the things that we both liked. Even now when most of the things have fallen into the "correct" place, I can't deny that all those memories are still somehow alive. 

I even went to a couple of "your' places and many things will make me think of you. Porque después de ti nada será igual para mi. 

I can also see the reasons, your reasons and I pretty much understand everything. I stopped questioning your last decision and finally many or most of the things make sense now. Hopefully one day I will recover  my own city and the person who I used to be in this place. 

Las cosas que vivo en sueños

Acabo de soñar contigo. No sé si fue ayer o antes de ayer. Y recuerdo querer dormir más, quizás para que el sueño no terminara. Quizás porque aunque quisiera que fuera diferente, aún no cerré todos los temas entre nosotros. Quizás nunca se cerrarán del todo.

Lo cierto es que no recuerdo con precisión mi sueño, solamente que eras parte de él y que por alguna razón yo quería continuar soñando.